Sometimes it's better to just live in denial.

Whenever I decide to go for a run (or walk with small bursts of jogging -- let's call it what it really is), I always have this vision in my mind of me as this super-fit athlete prancing through the air with the grace of a gazelle. I mean seriously, no one envisions themselves as slow and as lumbering as they really are.

I had high hopes that my new shoes would suddenly make running a wonderful orgasmic experience that real runners declare that it is. I've come to the conclusion, however, that it's all a bunch of hooey that runners have made up to make it seem like they are doing something really cool. Yesterday I decided to try out my new shoes on the treadmill at the gym. I really did feel like I was bounding through the air at lightning-fast speed. That is, until I caught my reflection in the mirror. Yeah, not so much.

In my mind I feel like I'm much more in shape and look way better than I really do. I guess that's similar to what people with anorexia struggle with. They envision themselves overweight (therefore refuse to eat), when the rest of the world sees them as skinny or normal in body weight. The tricks the mind plays are so cruel.

There are exactly three reasons why I might want to run:

1. The building is on fire.
2. I really have to go pee.
3. I've found myself lost in the woods and a large bear has zeroed in on me as the weakest link.

For all other situations, walking pretty much works just fine and you don't get as sweaty.

With all kidding aside, running is very hard on your joints, especially when you are overweight like I am. It's really a catch 22 because you want to be thinner to run, but it helps to run to get thinner. I know I'm discouraged, but some days it's just really hard to get motivated when you know a) you are going to be in real pain while exercising and b) you will likely be in twice as much pain when you wake up the next day. That's where I found myself today. Yesterday after doing W3D3 (again) of the C25K program in my new shoes, I felt more leg pain than I have before. This morning I could hardly get out of bed. My back felt all tensed up and sore, my knees hurt, and even my thighs were aching. I've done twice as long a workout and not felt that bad. But, tomorrow is a new day and I'll just keep believing that it will get easier with time. It has to. Or else I might die.