WebMD should be blocked from me

Today I was convinced that I had oral cancer.
That was before I cleared it up.

I’m a bit of a hypochondriac. If something is out of the norm, it’s usually a dooms day scenario. A few years ago I was sitting in a meeting when I rested my head on my hand. My finger felt a hard, strange lump behind my ear and for the rest of the meeting my mind was planning out the quickest way I could get in to see a doctor. However, thankfully upon seeing a doctor, I was informed that the alarming lump was a non-serious swollen lymph node and it might take weeks or months to go back down.

Who knew you had lymph nodes behind your ears???

Anyway, so back to this story. The other day as I was driving in my car, I moved my tongue down to follow the inner contour of my lower jaw (as you do) and noticed a small bump in the soft tissue. I didn’t think too much of it at first because it’s not uncommon to get small canker sores on my tongue, cheek, or I suppose under my tongue. What was odd about this was that it didn’t hurt like those normally do. It just felt like a grain of sand.

I ignored it and thought it would go away.

Today, several days later, I noticed that it was still there, same spot, no change or sign it was improving. I investigated more and it was white, hard, and about the size of a poppy seed. I started to think about how my dentist always does a visual check for oral cancer and checking under the tongue is part of that. Rut roh.

This prompted a quick search on oral cancer and one of the items that came up was Leukoplakia. This is some sort of pre-cancerous situation that can be white (gulp) and hard (double gulp). That must be what it is. I kept searching and learned about all sorts of horrid things that one can have in their mouth. Another possibility is a saliva gland stone. Similar to a kidney stone, but it develops in your salivary tube and blocks any liquid from getting out. It could be that too!

Just as I was working myself up into another level of worry, I decided I needed to call my dentist and make an appointment. But, before doing so, I should poke at it a bit and see just what it does. I got a Q-tip and poked. To my surprise, it moved! Those with a squeamish stomach, might want to stop reading, but it seemed to be just barely attached by an every so thin piece of … something. I kept poking and prodding until I almost instigated my gag reflex. I wasn’t able to get it out with the Q-tip, so I moved on to a more sophisticated implement. Tweezers. It was pretty hard to get a hold of, but I managed to grab and pull. There was a slight twinge, but with that, it was out.



What was it? I don’t know. I probably should have saved it in a jar for safe keeping, but it was really tiny. Now the underside of my tongue is stinging a bit, but I’m not sure if it was from the tweezers, the hand sanitizer I used for an antiseptic, or just my imagination from thinking about it too much. It feels like there is still a bump, but at least the offending white part is gone. What did we do before the joys (or pitfalls) of internet searches?

And just so you are not concerned, I am super conscious about my oral hygiene and floss every day. Okay, maybe every other day.

Mish-mash update

So much to write about, so little time! Actually, the real reason I haven't been writing much is because my internet connection at home is driving me crazy. There's definitely something up (has been acting up for months), but lately I have to click 4-5-6 times on a link or web address to get the page to come up. I'm fairly certain it's my archaic router.

Frustrating? Yes.

I went ahead and pulled the trigger on a brand spankin new internet setup that should arrive sometime next week.

Anyway, this post is just a quick catch-up of all the things that have been going on lately. I went to visit my new niece in Ohio and also to celebrate my nephew's birthday, which was great. My nephew and I went bike riding, ice skating, did puzzles, and went to Chuck E Cheese. I also taught him and his friend Mia how to fly a kite on a windy day. I had to laugh to myself because it is so empowering to be able to teach a kid how to do something. I can't imagine getting to have that experience of teaching your child something new everyday. It was really special. We also tried to learn how to jump rope, but I think that lesson will need to continue another time.

My niece is fantastic! She's beautiful, peaceful, and just perfect. Even though she was only 5 weeks old, you could already tell her personality was developing and she seemed to be more alert each day. I can't wait until the next time we can all get together. Fun times in the hot tub too.

I've also been trying to keep up my training. (Read: I've not been working out enough.) This week in TriLaVie focused on swimming. Wednesday we had a workout in the pool and today was our *gasp* first open water swim. It was sort of a rite of passage for us newbies. The swim was at Lake Mission Viejo, which is a fairly big man-made lake in, where else, Mission Viejo.

The lake is a bit hoity-toity in that it's private and you have to be on a guest list to get in. There's a beach on the north end with sand and a cordoned off swimming area.

Now, it seems like it would be fun swimming in a lake with a nice beach. However, not when it's raining and in the 50s. Which was the case this morning.

My group was designated to get there at 8am, but I arrived early at 7:30. The ironman (long distance) group was already there and in the water doing laps along the buoys. The next group (Olympic distance) was getting on their wetsuits. The rest of us (the new people) were watching with nervousness and trepidation because it sure seems like the water will be cold. And dark. With fish in it.

Coach Martha gave us all a pep talk and emphasized that we would all be fine. One girl who had some residual post-traumatic stress from a failed lake swim at this very venue last year started to tear up. We all assured her she would be fine, even though none of us knew for sure that WE would be fine.

Martha was able to procure wetsuits for all of us who didn't have one from a great store in Los Alamitos called Tri Zone. The one handed to me looked like it must be a mistake. It was so SMALL. Martha showed us how to put on our wetsuits inside out because fingernails easily puncture holes. I just want to state right now that the puncture in the leg of my borrowed wetsuit was already there....

Putting it on was more of a workout than the swim! After about 15 minutes of tugging, pulling, straining of my fingers and forearms I was finally able to get it up to my... waist. Coach Linda kept assuring me that this was how it always is and to just be persistent. Really? This is not gonna end well...

So I kept working at it and finally managed to get the suit onto my arms. Now the tricky part is that the zipper is conveniently located in the back. Why? I have no idea other than to embarrassingly require you to enlist the help of others to get fully suited up. What are you supposed to do when you're on your own? Ask a complete stranger to help zip you up?

Linda came back to help me complete my transition into a sausage. After significant amounts of cursing and Linda and my friend Samantha both helping to get it zipped up, I was in! I said that next time I should probably request a larger size, but Linda said that this was the right size for me. Say what?

Getting into the lake wasn't bad. Putting my face in was bad. The water was so cold that I instantly felt like I had a brain freeze. And, the water seeping in the wetsuit to create the water barrier that would eventually keep me warm made me chilled. We were supposed to start swimming toward the buoys on the other side, but I wasn't prepared for how the wetsuit felt in combination with the frigid water. The suit was constricting on my chest and the cold water made me feel like I couldn't get a good deep breath. After swimming a few yards, I would feel out of breath. Also, keeping in a straight line was so hard! Several times I looked up to see that I was swimming cockeyed either out towards the deep or in towards the shore. This will take some serious practice. The key is to keep moving forward even if you have to lift your head to figure out where you are or to get your breath back to a rhythm.

Coming out of the water, we were all so proud of what we did. We faced our fears (some more fearful than others) and still managed to have fun despite the rain and temperatures.

Taking off the wetsuit took all of 20 seconds. Figures.

Thank goodness for small victories

With joining TriLaVie, I made a commitment to myself to be more active, meet new people, and set new goals for myself. Even though my plan was to join the team in June, I joined in March before I was truly ready to be back "on plan" .... but dammit I was going to make it a positive decision.

I amped up my exercise intensity and frequency and also dialed in my eating habits. This was a good decision and I was not looking back. You would think that the scale would cooperate and follow suit. But no. What did it do in response? Go up. Not one pound. Not two... try 3.2!!!

I didn't let it discourage me at first. I told myself it was muscle gain. Yeah not possible. I blamed it on water weight. After all, I had worked my muscles hard and they were probably healing. It was also that special time of the month, so I was probably retaining all sorts of fluid.

I hoped.

I hoped and waited. Each day I stepped on the scale and saw the same number staring back at me. Man! How is this possible! The entire three months that I hadn't been "on plan" I only gained 3.5 pounds from my lowest weight in this journey, which was on race day in December. For that, I have to thank my Bodybugg. If I haven't mentioned it lately, my Bodybugg is awesome. It's a constant reminder to move more and eat less. And, even if I haven't eaten perfectly or mindfully, I still know the secret number I need to hit to make it not turn into permanent baggage.

So back to this week. After four days, I was really getting discouraged. I was eating well! I was exercising! What else can I do?

Let me tell you... I was soooo close to losing it. Exercising a lot makes my normally tame appetite go absolutely berserk. There are some days that I just crave certain things and my subconscious won't let me forget it. There have been days when I decide to give in to one craving only to get halfway through and seriously consider making a second meal of something else I was also craving. Yeah, but I don't allow that. That would be ridiculous and wasteful.

Okay, maybe I did give in that once.

Well this morning was exactly what I needed. I had to get out of bed at 6:15am to get ready to run with my run club (not totally what I felt like doing on a Saturday morning), and I needed some good news. What did I find? The 3.2 unwelcome hangers-on had vanished as quickly as they came. Where did they go? Care I do not.

Thank goodness for small victories.

Spin Class = Pure Awesomeness

Last night was the first TriLaVie Wednesday training night..... and we had spin class!

I've never been in a spin class, but it's always been a secret desire of mine. I was envious of the people cycling to music, sweating away tons of calories, and not having to worry about having enough energy to ride back to their cars.

First off, the venue for spin class was freaking amazing. This gym is the Taj Mahal of gyms. It's the Renaissance Club Sport in Aliso Viejo. It has a valet. It also has a bar. And a whirlpool with fluffy white towels.

I wasn't super sure what to expect from this experience, except that I knew it would be boundary pushing and there might be cries for mercy since Martha's reputation precedes her. We started by learning that a cadence of 85 rpm was to be our base. Our "flat road with no hills," if you will. This is what we would return to after intervals of more strenuous spinning. We were also told to never stop pedaling. Ever. Unless it was like a life or death situation.

The good thing is that you and you alone have control over the resistance on your bike. (Unless Martha stops by and cranks it up on you since you're suspiciously not sweating enough.) The real takeaway here is that while you do have control over how hard you work, if you make it too easy, you're only cheating yourself out of a better workout.

Things were going pretty well for me until about 40 minutes in when I forgot how to tell time.

We were just finishing a grueling interval of jumps where you stand up and sit down over and over again while maintaining a consistent high cadence. I think I started to become delirious because I had convinced myself that 1 hour equaled 100 minutes and therefore we weren't even halfway through the workout. Ladybits were burning. Panic ensued.

Eventually, I realized my error and warmth and happiness spread over my body. Or maybe it was just perspiration.

Will I go back to spin class? Aw heck yeah.

New life foci. Not to be confused with fungi. Or feces.

I've been feeling pretty stressed lately (read: crying at work. Yeah.) mainly due to an unseemingly endless pile of assignments at work that never seem to end. I've mentioned this before, so I don't need to continue to complain (no one likes complainers, right?), but it just does not seem to be getting any better.

Late last week while lunching with a friend, I had a sort of epiphany. My growing stress level was akin to an endless circle:

Work would pile up, in which case I would spend additional effort (hours outside of work) trying to complete tasks to bring the stress level down.

However, in doing so, my stress level would never actually decrease. In fact, I think it was actually increasing. Imagine that. Plus, it's not like once I finished my tasks that I would have any free time because magically some other tasks would pop up and take their place.

I decided that I needed something else in my life (preferably something positive) to become the focus of my energies. That way, I would have a justification to convince myself that I need to distribute my time and energy more efficiently among work as well as whatever these new focuses (foci?) would be.

Initially, my thought was "I'm going to buy a dog!!" I spent a lot of time researching and feel that yes, I likely will buy a dog. Probably this summer. That will be a positive way to destress and will also introduce me to new activities like agility & obedience classes and patience, since pets require a lot of that.

This weekend I also rejoined my running club. I was part of the program last fall, but after "The Incident," I had to drop out. The coach gracefully welcomed me back with open arms. Saturday was my first run in a number of months and it actually wasn't that bad. It wasn't good, but it wasn't too pathetic.

The running club is part of a larger triathlon club that I had yet to join. I was thinking of perhaps joining later this summer after I had had time to get back into shape somewhat (round is a shape, right?) However, after feeling so good during run club and enjoying the comraderie, I decided to sign up for the triathlon program that started today. As in TODAY. Mind you that by the time I tried to get out of bed this morning, I didn't have full control of my thigh muscles. Turns out that the run yesterday left more lasting effects than first thought. And guess what we did for training today. More running!

As I sit here tonight, I'm reveling in the fact that I did make such a commitment (and if you know Coach Martha, you know what kind of commitment I'm talking about) because I would have not thought this was possible at this time last year. I'm in a much better place in terms of accepting personal challenges. This won't be easy. It will require quite a change to my schedule. I'll be missing Zumba on Wednesdays (but still able to attend most on Mondays). I'll not have a day to sleep in on weekends until mid-year, as running club is early Saturday and TriLaVie is early Sunday. Volunteerism is a mandatory requirement, as is training activities on your own time.

But, in the end, I'm hopeful that this is a step in the right direction.

Also, I may or may not need a wheelchair tomorrow.