Do you espeaka da english?

I left work early today to go see my doctor. A couple weeks ago I got a throat infection in my left tonsil--not sure why just that one...must be the weakest link--and I was taking antibiotics. I was all better, or so I thought. I started feeling it making a comeback, so I went to get checked out. When I was getting my prescription filled at Walgreens, I let the pharmacist know that I was waiting for it. He said sure no prob 15 minutes. So I waited and waited and asked and waited some more. Finally 35 minutes had passed and still nothing. I was getting annoyed because there were four pharmacists back there and one was just sitting at a computer texting on her phone. What? It was more than 45 minutes before it was finally ready. The woman who checked me out was Asian and had a very thick accent. (No disrespect to Asians, it could've been just as bad if she was German or Miss Cleo.) She asked if I wanted a consultation and I said yes (I had already waited so long, this couldn't add much more time) because I hadn't taken this drug before. She went through the standard stuff and then said "You do tocking meth patrol?" I was like "Excuse me?" So she repeated it louder as if that would make it better "YOU DO TOCKING METH PATROL?" I looked at her and shook my head in a way that meant "ARE YOU ESPEAKA DA ENGLISH?" The girl who had been texting on her phone stopped her important top secret communications and came over to say in a voice loud enough to be heard in the dental aisle "ARE YOU TAKING BIRTH CONTROL?" Oooooohhh... so that's what she meant. I said "Yes" and she said that this drug makes it less effective so to take extra precautions. Well, there go MY plans for the weekend.