So I had a meltdown...

I promised that I would continue posting about my Thanksgiving holiday, but I've just been too tired to do it! Also, the end of my trip wasn't the greatest. In order to conserve time, I'm reposting parts of an email I sent to Tammy when I needed "couch time". Things have greatly improved, but I still feel like I need to change something or somehow make it up to my friends and family who haven't gotten to see enough of me since my move to California.

<> I have been so tired after vacation. Isn't that pathetic? I guess I tried to squeeze in too much over a few short days. I actually had a major meltdown on Saturday at home. It was my last night in town and my brother had mentioned that he and Christie were getting together with one of their friends that night who they had hung out with the two previous nights. I was sort of upset because I thought that we should do something together as a family since it could be a very long time until I see them again. Well, after I heard that they made their plans, I went ahead and made plans with my friend Sara because I don't get to see her enough either. Unfortunately, this is when the problems started. By the time the evening rolled around, my Mom had mentioned to my brother that I was upset that we weren't all going to be together, so then he changed his plans for that night to stay at home.... but no one bothered to tell me! I didn't find out until when I was getting ready to go out and had already called Sara to come over. I got mad because I didn't want to, or feel I should have to, cancel my plans with her. The next thing I know, my mom is throwing her arms up because we all can't get along as a family and she says she's had it. It was unreal! I totally had a meltdown and started crying because of all the pressure I'm under to see certain people when I am home and make sure that everyone gets enough of my time. It's so stressful! I basically have to group a lot of my friends into one night to hang out because I don't have enough time to see everyone individually and it just kills me! I was upset because I was home for a whole week and it didn't seem long enough to make everyone happy. I suppose it's easy for friends and family to be selfish and not see how much pressure there is for someone visiting fro m out of town to set aside certain amounts of time to visit, but it's even more hurtful to the person who is visiting. Even my dad's side of the family was mad that we only came over for 20 minutes on Thanksgiving to say hi. There just isn't enough time in the day!

So anyway, this week has been hard because I've been trying to come to terms with what I should change, if anything. I just got tired of guilt trips put on me because of not spending enough time with people, but the flipside is that it's nice to have someone who is so interested in seeing you that they feel it is important enough to tell you. It would be unpleasant to not have people want to spend time with you.

When I got back to town I was thinking about just crawling into a hole and not being social at all because I was worried about not providing enough time for people. Of course my friend Lori was already hounding me to go to happy hour this week when I got back to town and then I actually smiled to think that I'm truly lucky to have friends who care enough to want to hang out. <>